Writing Code

Today's an edgy day in the cubicle. Maybe it's the weather. Or the budget. Or the reorganization. Or the extra summer staff. Whatever.

I've found myself using some code regardless. We all have code, mostly to keep our jobs, marriages, and police record intact. If I weren't so edgy today, I'd say that code is a kinder, gentler way of communicating. But it's really just intended to keep me from creating a wider splatter pattern than necessary.

Here's some of my code... if anybody READS this nearly-nonexistent blog, add some of your own--with explanations if necessary.

Thanks for your input. (Next time keep it to yourself.)

Help me understand... (...why you're not so smart.)

Tell me more about what you mean by "it doesn't work". (Or let me just wave my magic wand over it and "fixit" for you.)

Are you sure this is an argument worth havin'? (Think carefully, because if I'm askin', I can guarantee it's not worth what it's ultimately going to cost.)

I can hear you over my headphones. (Shut up.)

"strongly suggest" (In any sentence, that means you better damn well do it my way.)

What if we thought about that in a different way? (Let's try one that makes sense this time.)

Why, no, officer, I didn't know I was speeding. (Because my speedometer doesn't go that high...)

I'd like to promise I'm going to post more often, but it's summer. Although things are usually curiouser in the summer, so maybe.

Life Lessons, State Fair Version

Every year at the State Fair, I learn new things, and RE-learn other things. Perhaps if I had a better memory, I'd do less RE-learning, but such is life.

Contrary to all logic, the pigs on the list, the pigs on the truck, the pigs that unload, the pigs that get killed, and the pigs that get paid for... will NOT all be the same number. You'd think it would... pigs are "things". Supposedly, they can be counted. Apparently not.

There has never been, nor will there ever be, a perfect catalog. Dairy cows are reincarnated overnight, heifers become steers, and black faced lambs develop speckles. No one knows why.

You will get old faster, and crazy worse, if you expect these two things to change.

The probability of mistakes exponentially increases every second past 8:30 PM. By 10 PM, you're lucky to be at 50-50. By midnight, everything you do is going to be wrong, and will likely short circuit all the power to the midway.

Every single person at the fair, involved with the livestock shows, knows for a fact that they are the ONLY person there, their animals are the ONLY ones there, and that we all have plenty of time to see that their personal needs are met and exceeded.

Every single livestock crew knows that there are no other shows, check-ins, or sales going on at the same time as theirs. WHERE ARE OUR CHEESEBURGERS???

The fact that you can find other animals, other exhibitors, other shows at the same time is evidence of mental deficiency or better living through chemistry. I prefer the latter.

For every person who causes you grief, there are at least a dozen others for whom you should thank your lucky stars. People rise (or sink) to the occasion in direct alignment with their basic nature.

Life would be so much easier with these two simple words: "terminal show"

There's another post brewing--priceless quotes compiled over eleven years...

Expanding the Tag List

I guess I kind of "cheesed out" on my inaugural posting, tagging mostly people who had already been tagged. The problem seemed to be that most of the people I know DON'T blog (yet). Brian and I had a little fellowship last week, and talked about how I'd "borrowed" his list, and there had to be a different way to think about that.

So I started thinking about people I'd tag IF they had a blog. Maybe this will encourage them to start one, because evidently I think they're interesting enough to do that!!

• Elaine can tell us what life's like now that she & Toto are in Kansas.
• Jonathan always has an interesting perspective that I'd like to hear more about.
• Jeanne maintains an amazing balance between her work and family life, with 2 active little boys growing by leaps & bounds, and a deep-seated interest in web accessibility.
• Joy and I have so much in common, and I think she should start sharing her viewpoints and life with others!
• Micki - for those of you who know her, I don't need to say anything else!!

So there you have it. If you're here because you're listed above, read more about being tagged on Anne Adrian's or John Dorner's blogs. Then start writing, and I'll update this post with your blog addresses!!

Tag - I'm "it"

Anne Adrian "tagged" me and served as the impetus for actually STARTING this blog. I set it up some time ago with good intentions and all, but then had a couple of roadblocks--first, I decided I really didn't have that much interesting to say, and then, I got busier with my "work" blog, The Virtual Enrollment Party.

But excuses are like noses, as they say, and so with Anne's nudge in my pocket, here I am. If you want to read more about tagging, John Dorner has a good post from when he was tagged. I hope this post will be an introduction to who I am, and let you decide if you really want to "read all about it"!!

Anne's comment to me when tagging me was "I know you're not shy, tell us more!" That started me thinking that there's often an immense gulf between who WE think we are, and who OTHERS think we are... sort of like there's no truth, only perception. Anne, my co-workers, my kids, my friends - probably have very different definitions of "me". Maybe I even have different definitions of myself, based on the day, the weather, and speeding tickets!

Maybe there will be more about that in a later post, but for now, here's the tag list: (notice how many conditionals you're seeing in this blog... it's a theme)

What was I doing ten years ago?
I had just barely started this job at Iowa State University, after having taught high school kids all about geometry, trig, stats & computers for 10 years at our local school. I was lucky enough to have taught my 3 older kids during that time. They will have a different adjective than "lucky" to describe having their mom for a teacher. I had absolutely no idea what was in store for me as my first state fair lurked around the corner. That was a good thing.

Five snacks I enjoy It's hard to narrow down those billions to the top five...

• Chocolate. Any kind except the gritty grainy stuff.
• Ice cream. Normally pink, but lately I've become addicted to Toffee Caramel Crunch.
• Hint of Lime Tostitos
• Cheese. Especially brie.
• My friend Judy's black & white bars. Or her white chocolate chip cookies. Or her Special K bars. Okay, I just like eating at Judy's house.

Five things on my to-do list for today

• Nag the remaining ONE county to get their livestock database in.
• Kill dozens of trees printing mailing labels, entry cards, stalling lists, etc...
• Create the state fair "species" databases.
• Buy backing for Sophie's quilt.
• Stop on my way home to confirm that Sophie's still as adorable as she was two days ago...

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:

• Make sure that my obit contains lots of references to how I expanded educational opportunities for young people, by funding the facilities, programs, and scholarships.
• Take care of my family (including my new granddaughter)without depriving them of the pride that comes from supporting yourself and raising your family through your own hard work, hopefully in a career that you love. For 2 or 3 of them, that would involve buying more cattle.
• Travel. Far and wide, early and often. Learn as many languages in my travels as I could.
• Own lake homes. On lakes in both hemispheres, so that I always had a place to go where the weather is warm and the days are long. Maybe a mountain home up in Wyoming or Montana as well.
• Hire a gardener. And a cleaning lady. And a cook. And possibly a "personal assistant" to make phone calls, keep a schedule, write checks, and all the other stuff I don't like to do.

Five jobs I've had:

• Gas station attendant (back in the good old days when somebody ELSE pumped your gas for you... for 25 cents a gallon, by the way!
• Waitress. Coffee was also a quarter.
• USDA County Office program assistant
• High school math & computer teacher
• Whatever it is that I am now -- Program Coordinator is kind of an "undefined" job title... but I still like to think I'm a teacher.

Five bad habits:

• Speeding. Some folks fuss more about that than others.
• Worrying. Usually unnecessarily and nearly always unproductively. And incessantly.
• "Multi-tasking" while I'm on the phone with support calls, which leads the caller to believe that I'm at least mildly retarded.
• Forgetting (once again) that not only am I not in control, but also that there truly is no such thing as "control".
• Occasionally overlooking the TONS of "good stuff" for the MILLIGRAMS of "bad stuff".

Places I've lived:

• Iowa
• Long Beach, California (when I was little)
• More Iowa
  
• Really, pretty much only Iowa

Five random things:

• Although I'm rusty, I can actually use an arc welder, thanks to a stepfather with a unique list of "things all girls need to know how to do". With a refresher course, I could probably also still swap out the transmission on a 64 Ford.
• In one of my previous lives, I showed Quarter Horses (and maybe an App or 2, but don't tell).
• I wish I had a "talent" - like singing, painting, glass-blowing, anything artistic or creative. I don't think "math" is a talent!
• I'm not sorry we don't have pigs any more. I WOULD miss the cattle, though. And I still miss having a St. Bernard, especially Buddy.
• The LAST county just came in, and I gotta go. There's trees to be killed.
• (5.5) There will NEVER be another post as long as this one. I promise.

People I'd like to get to know better (you're tagged!--most of you for the second time, since Brian beat me to it, and he was going to be on the top of my list... no worm for me because I wasn't the early bird)

• Mitch
• Floyd
• Deb
• Lynette
• Matt